Fear paralyzes your life? Overcome Your Fear with New Life Goals - Lifecoach München

Fear paralyzes your life? Overcome Your Fear with New Life Goals

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“Fear paralyzes me and robs me of my zest for life and my life goals.”

Greta is 28 and in a very good mood when she comes to me. She’s beaming, but her eyes reflect a different reality. She works as a make-up artist. Although she enjoys her work, she worries about potentially harmful ingredients. That’s why she’s been insecure professionally for a while and doesn’t know how to proceed.

 

Social anxiety

In the first meeting, Greta reveals to me other fears that weigh on her.

In small talk situations with customers, she feels insecure and fears that she might come across as boring or uninteresting. She also feels insecure among her colleagues and often can’t find interesting topics to talk about. Sometimes she also has the feeling that she is not being noticed. But there is no talk of bullying or the like.

 

Self-perception and perception of others

Overall, Greta considers herself a bit shy, quite anxious, and completely aimless. Your boyfriend has a different view. He does not perceive them as anxious, rather sensitive, or highly sensitive and hyperactive. However, his encouragement and advice tend to arouse anger and rage in her.

 

Choosing Life Coaching

Her best friend advised her to seek professional help in the form of psychotherapy because of her problems. However, due to the long waiting lists and the fact that she was not diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, she opted for life coaching instead.

When I ask Greta why she chose Life Coaching, she explains: “I want to get practical tools to understand and overcome my fears. I want to go through life more calmly and have real life goals . I want to experience happiness and meaning fulfillment again.

 

Content:

 

Text: When fear limits the joy of life

1. Anxiety – Analysis Life Coach
2. Psychology: what is fear?
3. Overcoming Social Anxiety: 3 Hacks
4. Philosophy: Fear of the future

 

1. Anxiety – Analysis Life Coach

Together with Greta, we work out 3 goals to manage her fears, advance her personal development and explore professional opportunities. The following tools have helped Greta to overcome her social anxiety to a large extent and to become freer and more self-determined .

 

Goal 1: Psychoeducation – Understanding the Vicious Circle of Anxiety:

Together with Greta, we are working to help her better understand the vicious circle of fear. By recognizing how thoughts, feelings , and behaviors interact with each other, she can break this cycle.
Practical tools
Greta learns how negative thoughts (e.g., “I will always fail in embarrassing situations.”) can lead to physical reactions (e.g., heart palpitations), which in turn increase her anxiety and feelings of shame. She realizes how these reactions affect her interaction in social situations.

 

Goal 2: Strengthen small talk with customers and colleagues

Together with Greta, we focus on addressing her insecurity in small talk with clients and colleagues. We rely on targeted training to strengthen their self-esteem and improve their communication . Finally, we work on their body language.
Practical tools

Greta practices finding common ground, formulating subtle compliments, and arguing. In role-playing, we also practice quick-wittedness.
We focus on Greta’s strengths, which she can emphasize in the conversations to strengthen her self-confidence. She learns to be cooler and more relaxed.

 

Goal 3: Professional goals with a focus on natural healing products:

We are working to help Greta overcome her professional insecurity and gain clarity on how to combine her passion for make-up art with her interest in naturopathic products. This is your calling.

 

Practical tools

Greta wants to specialize in natural skincare products without chemicals. That would be in line with the values of their life philosophy. We draw up an action plan so that she can continue her education in this area. She first decides to train as an Ayurvedic natural esthetician. This also requires adapted time management.

 

Result

After about 12 sessions of 90 minutes each, Greta has made significant progress. She can now have relaxed small talk conversations with her clients and has also built up a pleasant and conflict-free relationship with some colleagues at work.
She has switched from full-time to part-time because she is now doing an internship at a naturopathic products company. There she is surrounded by friendly colleagues and is motivated and happy. In the long term, she is planning a career change.

 

2. Psychology: what is fear?

Fear is a natural, adaptive emotion that serves as an alarm system and alerts us to possible threats. But if it gets out of control, it can limit us.

For Greta, her fear has reached a point where she no longer only protects her from possible threats, but has itself become an obstacle to her quality of life. In Greta’s case, her fear manifests itself in social interactions and in her worries about her future.

 

3. Overcoming Social Anxiety: 3 Hacks

 

At least three factors play a role in social anxiety:

 

1. Social Evaluation Anxiety:

People are often afraid of being judged negatively by others. This anxiety can make them feel insecure in social situations, especially small talk, where the focus is often on spontaneous, casual conversations.

Hack: Change of perspective

Try to change your perspective and ask yourself if the opinion and recognition or praise of others is really that important.
Remember that most people in social situations are preoccupied with their own thoughts and worries and are less focused on you than you might think.
With narcissists , you can be sure that their self-perception dominates their perception through the need for admiration.

 

2. Fear of rejection and shame:

People are often afraid to say unpleasant or inappropriate things that can lead to rejection or ridicule. This fear can prevent them from expressing themselves openly or feeling comfortable in social situations. Added to this is the fear of missing out (FOMO) when others seem to be having fun all the time. This leads to a negative mindset.

 

Hack: Taking Risks

Accept that rejection and shame are part of human life. Be willing to open up and take risks anyway. Often, the worst fears are unrealistic and you might be surprised at how positive the reactions of others can be.

 

3. Self-doubt and insecurity:

People may doubt their own ability to have interesting conversations and feel insecure about how they come across to others. These self-doubts and insecurities, amplified by inner critics, can increase the fear of small talk. This can then lead to people withdrawing further and further.

 

Hack: practice a lot
Practice making small-talk consciously, empathetically and authentically and feel comfortable in different social situations (at the bakery, hairdresser, etc.). The more often you expose yourself to such situations, the more confident you become in dealing with them.

 

4. Philosophy: Fear of the future

 

Camus: The Absurd

For Camus, the absurd is the contradiction between the human need for meaning and the lack of meaning or purpose in the universe. Thus, Camus claims that the absurd arises because the world does not meet our sensory demands. Or, in Thomas Nagel’s narrative style:

Camus maintains that the absurd arises because the world fails to meet our demands for meaning.

 

Thomas Nagel: the absurd in us

According to Nagel, however, this juxtaposition conceals an assumption that a different (narrative) world might already live up to our claims. But there is no such world.

Thus, the absurdity of our situation does not arise from a clash between our expectations and the world, but from a clash within ourselves.

Unfortunately, Nagel did not solve the problem, but at most shifted it and turned it into a psychological problem. Camus may have been a little hasty in his juxtaposition of man and world, but he recognized very well that people are control freaks.

 

Illusory pursuit of security and control

Camus emphasizes that fear of the future often results from our pursuit of security and control. But we have no guarantee that our ideas will come true. This uncertainty can lead to anxiety and anxiety.

 

Acceptance and living in the here and now

By accepting uncertainty and letting go of the urge to control, we can focus on living in the here and now and experiencing life in all its diversity.

For Camus, the solution is not to suppress or ignore the fear of the future, but to acknowledge it and accept it as part of human existence.

 

Living in Freedom

By accepting the absurdity of the future, we can free ourselves from the burden of fear and live a life of freedom, courage and vitality.

 

© Timo ten Barge 11.02.24

Photo credit: Freepic

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