A friend gave me this coaching,” Oskar, 48, begins pragmatically. “He thinks I need a new impulse – my life is too deadlocked. And if I’m honest, he’s right.” Oskar hesitates briefly before continuing to speak. “He often says I’ve lost the sun in my heart. When I think about it, I ask myself: When did I lose this fire in me? And above all – how can I rekindle it?” Oskar seems confident, but his tone betrays a subliminal dissatisfaction. He has achieved a lot, but the feeling of liveliness is missing. “I feel like I’m in a continuous loop,” he explains. “Everything is going well – the company is growing, the relationship is stable – but I feel that I’m missing something.” The question of why he is not happy occupies him. “I function, but I don’t live. There are hardly any surprises in my life anymore.” When asked what he wants to change, he doesn’t have to think long: “I want to feel alive again. Have more time for myself, experience more, without the feeling of having to be in the fast lane all the time.” Oskar is a successful entrepreneur. His software company is thriving, but the price was high. For years, he put his needs and friendships on the back burner. “I’m someone who always has the next goal in mind. But now I ask myself: What’s the point of all this if the passion is missing?” I hope that the coaching will allow me to really burn for something again.
Content
Text: Midlife Crisis in Men: Standstill or New Beginning?
1. Psychological Analysis
2. Midlife Crisis in Men: Practice
3. Midlife Crisis in Men: Psychology
4. Graphic: Midlife Crisis
5. Midlife Crisis in Men: Philosophy
6. Midlife Crisis in Men: Test ________________________________________
1. Psychological analysis
Oskar is in the middle of a classic midlife crisis. It’s not about him doubting his success – it’s there. It’s more a question of “What for?”
The routine he has built up offers stability, but no room for freedom and new things. Oskar wants to work on the following goals :
Goals:
1. Ease and satisfaction
Oskar wants to understand why he feels dissatisfied despite his success. He realizes that his perfectionist focus on goals has brought him professional success, but he lacks the joy of the present. He also wants to feel the motivation he has lost again.
2. Freedom and serenity
He wants to free himself from the corset of constant obligations. The feeling of freedom and serenity, which used to be created by traveling and carefree moments with friends, should become part of his life again. In doing so, he wants to learn to give his inner critic less power and to give himself more recognition .
3. Curiosity
The focus is on new impulses and experiences. Away from professional milestones, he wants to find out what really inspires and drives him.
Result:
Oskar’s pursuit of success has brought him a long way. Now is the time to change the focus. More freedom, real friendships and the enjoyment of the moment should become more important than time management and career aspirations where burnout is imminent.
2. Midlife crisis in men: practice
1. Increase self-esteem through reflection
Oskar is working on no longer defining his self-worth exclusively by successes and milestones. He reflects on which values such as freedom, curiosity and contentment are really important to him, and strives to become more authentic and honest with himself. In the process, he discovers that many of his problems arise from unrealistic expectations of himself. Values exercise:
• Oskar identifies his core values and begins to focus his time and energy on them. With a new mindset, he wants to learn to find the joy of the moment instead of constantly working towards the next big goal in life
2. Time for yourself
In order to create space for himself, Oskar plans conscious time-outs – not only short weekends, but also a longer trip alone. Personal time-out:
• A weekly afternoon just for himself to enjoy hobbies or simply peace and quiet.
• A month-long motorcycle tour through Scandinavia to break away from everyday life and find new perspectives.
3. Network and friendships
Oskar consciously makes contact with old friends whom he has neglected over the years. Realignment:
• Targeted time with friends: Regular meetings and joint activities.
• Long-term vision: With a friend, he plans to start a creative project together in his free time – something that is not a professional commitment, but purely for fun.
Result:
Oskar has realized that he needs to slow down his everyday life and strengthen his relationships in order to feel fulfillment again and become more resilient . Through more lightness, new experiences and a return to his values, he has found a new rhythm of life.
3. Midlife crisis in men: psychology
Crisis with a prospect
The midlife crisis is a multi-layered phenomenon that men experience in different forms. Clichés, such as the sudden purchase of a motorcycle or the need for a new, exciting relationship, are only the visible tip of the iceberg. In fact, it is usually about a deeper psychological dynamic: dealing with one’s own mortality, questioning life decisions and searching for a sense of meaning.
However, this phase does not have to be negative.
Embarking on an adventure
A crisis literally means “turning point”. Men who feel that old patterns no longer work are faced with the chance to dare something new: to rediscover hobbies, deepen relationships or gain a new perspective on life. This takes courage, but it can pave the way to a more fulfilling life.
Typical signs in men:
• Strong fixation on professional success, combined with a feeling of emptiness. • Neglect of friendships and hobbies. • Desire for more freedom, variety and above all: adventure.
• Questions about the “what if” in relation to missed opportunities. • Increasing pressure to change something before it is “too late”.
Psychological background:
Men like Oskar, who define themselves strongly by their performance, often come into conflict when the successes no longer bring the same satisfaction. The midlife crisis is then an opportunity for reorientation.
4. Graphics
Midlife crisis in men
The U-curve of happiness shows that life satisfaction decreases from the late 30s before rising again from the mid-50s. The low point is often in the mid-40s. This point does not mark the end, but the beginning of a phase of a more conscious way of life.
5. Midlife crisis in men: philosophy
The avoidable impasse
Oskar has so far led his life like a well-thought-out project. Everything was planned, every goal clearly defined, every task neatly ticked off. But that’s exactly what seems to be bringing him to a dead end now. Viktor Frankl would say that meaning does not arise in the total organization of life, but precisely when one stops desperately controlling everything. For Oskar, this means: letting go – just letting it happen instead of constantly checking. It’s also about resisting the temptation to always want to do everything perfectly.
The beauty of the purposeless
Maybe it’s time to get involved in things that don’t have a concrete purpose. Spending an evening with friends, reminiscing without paying attention to how quickly time passes. Make a journey where it’s not the destination that counts, but the journey. Or simply stroll through the city, without a plan, without intention. Such moments, which do not have to deliver a result, are often the ones that really touch us. For Oskar, exactly such experiences could be the beginning of feeling alive again.
The paradoxical plan to be haphazard
But there is a small catch here – a paradox that Frankl particularly emphasizes: As soon as Oskar tries to use idleness as a “strategy”, he has already lost it. If he says to himself: “I’m doing this now so that I can find meaning again”, then the moment becomes a means to an end again. And that’s exactly what prevents him from being really free in the moment. The trick is to do things just like that – not because they work, but because they feel good.
When letting go is the challenge
It sounds simple, but it is precisely this letting go that is often the biggest challenge. The interesting thing is that if Oskar manages to get involved in the unplanned, he will notice that something appears exactly there that he is actually looking for: this feeling of being alive. This is perhaps the greatest meaning you can find without looking for it.
Conclusion: The paradoxical plan to be haphazard
Oskar’s midlife crisis shows how a life that goes according to plan can eventually lose its luster. Stability is great – until it feels like a standstill. His success has given him structure, but also taken away the lightness that makes real life moments. The urge to always reach the next goal has smothered the fire that initially drove him into routine. The paradox? What Oskar is looking for – liveliness, freedom, meaning – cannot be achieved like another goal. It doesn’t appear when you look for it, but exactly when you stop desperately wanting it. It’s like the feeling you get when you just wander around the city without knowing where to go. Or when you talk to friends without looking at the clock. Life often unfolds where you least plan it. And maybe that’s the realization that no one tells you: The way out of the crisis is not a well-thought-out plan, but the letting go of always having to have one. The beauty of life is that it comes alive in these moments full of lightness – without any strategy.
6th test: Am I in a midlife crisis?
Answer the following 10 questions honestly to find out if you may be in a midlife crisis. Use the scale from 1 to 5:
1 = Doesn’t apply at all, 5 = Completely agrees
Ask
1. Do you have the feeling that something is missing in your life, even though objectively everything is going “well”? 2. Do you often think about whether you could have made better decisions in the past? 3. Do you often feel trapped in routines and long for variety? 4. Do you feel that your achievements or successes no longer give you the same satisfaction as they used to? 5. Do you long for more freedom and fewer obligations in your everyday life? 6. Do you feel like you’re missing adventure, spontaneity, or surprises in your life? 7. Have you given up old hobbies or passions that used to bring you joy? 8. Do you often think about how other people live their lives and whether they are happier than you? 9. Do you often feel tired, drained, or empty inside, even though you are physically healthy? 10. Do you feel the need to give your life a new direction or try something new? ________________________________________
Evaluation
Add up your points and see which category you fall into: • 10–20 points: You are satisfied with your life. A midlife crisis is not an issue for you at the moment. Enjoy your everyday life and stay open to new experiences. • 21–35 points: There are signs that you are dissatisfied with some aspects of your life. Think about what you are missing and consciously take time for new impulses. Even small changes can help to increase your well-being. • 36–50 points: You are probably in a midlife crisis. It might help you think about your priorities and figure out what really makes you happy. Maybe it’s time to try something new or rediscover old passions. This test is intended to give you orientation and food for thought, but it does not replace professional advice or reflection.
© Timo ten Barge 22.12.24 Image source Blog image:Pexels. Did you like this blog? Then you might also be interested in the following blogs:
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