“My girlfriend is sending me to you,” Antonia, 46, begins hesitantly. “She says that a midlife crisis in women is not a catastrophe, but an opportunity – and you know how to take advantage of opportunities.” She sits upright, her hands twitching nervously on the armrests. Although she seems controlled on the outside, many things are mixed up in her. “It feels like I’ve lost my way somewhere along the way,” she describes her situation. “I see the intersections I used to miss and ask myself: Why didn’t I take a different turn?” The urge for change is there, but she doesn’t know where to start. “I’ve read all the self-help books, but none of them give me a direction.” When I ask Antonia how long she has had this feeling, she thinks for a moment. “It started about six months ago,” she says finally. “My best friend gave me Eat Pray Love back then. She said the book would inspire me. And somehow it has – but above all it has raised these questions. Why am I not happy with what I have? Why don’t I dare to change anything?” Antonia is a successful lawyer, but lately she has been doubting her profession. She has achieved all her goals and is successful, but she lacks the meaning of life. “I used to work in a publishing house, and that was a great time. Maybe I should have stayed?” In addition, there are mood swings and self-doubt, which she does not know from herself. “I was always the one with the plan. Now I ask myself: Is that it?” Her goals are clear: she wants to understand what’s going on with her, learn to reinvent herself and find out if she can still find her true calling at 46. “I finally want to know where I want to go again – without letting self-doubt slow me down.”

 

Content

Text: Midlife crisis in women: opportunity or catastrophe? 1. Psychological Analysis
2. Midlife Crisis in Women: Practice
3. Midlife Crisis in Women: Psychology
4. Graphic: Text
5. Midlife Crisis in Women: Philosophy
6. Midlife Crisis in Women: Eat Pray Love
7. Midlife Crisis in Women: Test

 

1. Psychological analysis

 

Antonia is in the middle of a classic midlife crisis. She doubts herself, questions old decisions and feels that she no longer lives in harmony with her values .

 

Goals:

 

1. Understanding yourself

Antonia wants to understand why she feels so lost. She feels that her suppressed needs and a critical mindset are blocking her.

 

2. Lightness

Antonia is trapped in constant performance, driven by FOMO. She is often angry with herself when she doesn’t get enough done. Shame over supposed failure makes it even harder. Now she is learning to enjoy the moment and see that she is valuable even without constant stress.

 

3. Appeal

Antonia doubts her profession because it no longer gives her meaning and she feels burned out . She is looking for a job that aligns with her values and builds her resilience – something that is not just a job, but gives real meaning to her life.

Result

Her constant rushing from one goal to the next has brought her a long way so far, but it no longer gives her inner satisfaction – and that is exactly what is becoming clear now.

 

2. Midlife crisis in women: practice

 

1. Strengthen self-esteem

By reflecting on her lived and neglected values, Antonia gains a new orientation that helps her to set clear priorities and strengthen her self-worth . Values exercise: Antonia identifies central values such as freedom, harmony or creativity, which she would like to focus on again.

 

2. Time-out

In order to slow down everyday life and live more in the moment, Antonia consciously plans times for herself. Time for yourself: With regular activities such as swimming, wellness and one Friday off per week, she creates space for herself. Timeout: A longer break in southern Spain helps her to gain distance and find new clarity, both professionally and personally.

 

3. Realignment

Antonia reflects on her passions and professional aspirations in order to reorient herself in a targeted manner. Reorientation: Through contacts in her industry, she discovers new opportunities and switches to a publishing position after her time out. Long-term vision: With clear steps, she is working towards her goal of founding her own publishing house one day.

 

Result

Antonia has used her crisis to rediscover herself. She now knows what really motivates her, has realigned her life goals and brought more lightness into her life. With self-care, time off and a new job, she has completely redesigned her work and sense of fulfillment. The coaching was a great help, and she wants to get back to me later on the subject of partnership. At the moment, her dog is enough for her as a roommate, but after a men’s break, she can well imagine entering into a relationship again – if it fits her new lifestyle.

 

3. Midlife crisis in women: psychology

 

The midlife crisis describes a phase in middle age in which people begin to question their previous lives. Between the ages of 35 and 55, thoughts often arise about missed opportunities, the finiteness of life and the desire for change – often accompanied by the need to finally live authentically and in harmony with one’s own values.

 

Origin Midlife Crisis

The term “midlife crisis” was coined by psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques in 1957. He described people in their 30s who get into inner conflicts due to the realization of their own mortality. Typical problems were fear of getting older, increased religiosity, health worries and an obsessive urge to bring back youth. Later, Jaques admitted that he himself was affected by these fears.

 

Differentiation from a mental illness

A midlife crisis is not a recognized mental illness, but a phase of reorientation triggered by psychosocial and physical changes. This is often about the search for a new meaning in life and perspectives for the future.

 

Typical signs of a midlife crisis in women

• Self-realization and independence: The desire to do more for oneself and pursue one’s own goals. • Lifestyle changes: New hairstyles, clothes, or hobbies often reflect a desire for renewal. • Reorientation in relationships and career: Questions about the quality of partnerships and fulfillment in the job are becoming increasingly important. • Emotional and physical challenges: Mood swings, self-doubt, and physical symptoms, such as menopausal symptoms, may occur. • The “empty nest” feeling: loneliness or reorientation arises when the children leave the house. • Nostalgia and fears: Thoughts about missed opportunities or the fear of getting older are present.

 

 

4. Artwork: Text

 

 

 

The U-curve of happiness shows that life satisfaction decreases from the late 30s and rises again from the mid-50s. The low point in Europe is around 46 years. According to psychologist Pasqualina Perrig-Chiello, dissatisfaction in midlife can be an important impulse to reinvent oneself.

 

 

5. Midlife Crisis in Women: Philosophy

 

Midlife Crisis in Women: From Success to Purpose

The midlife crisis, often feared as a phase of uncertainty, is an opportunity for reorientation. Women like Antonia, who have achieved all their professional goals, are often faced with an emptiness: success alone is no longer enough if there is no sense of meaning. This turning point offers the opportunity to make life more conscious and meaningful.

 

Success, but without fulfillment

Antonia, a successful lawyer, has achieved her professional goals – classic telegraphic activities. Telic activities are those that work towards a specific goal, such as completing a project or gaining a promotion. But as soon as these milestones are reached, the question often remains: Was that all? Philosophers such as Kieran Setiya emphasize that this mode can be unsatisfying in the long run, as it leaves little room for enjoying the moment.
What is missing is the atelic mode – activities that have no fixed end point and bring joy for their own sake. Listening to music, having conversations or simply going for a walk – these actions give life lightness and a meaning that exists independently of external successes.

 

From Doing to Being

Aligning one’s life only with telic goals often leads to inner exhaustion. The solution is not to renounce goals, but to balance them with atelic activities. For women like Antonia, this means taking time for moments of serenity: cultivating a hobby, enjoying nature or simply lingering in the here and now.

 

From success to meaning

The midlife crisis is not a catastrophe, but an invitation to redefine the balance between doing and being. Those who combine tele and atelic activities experience life not only as a sequence of goals, but as a living and enriching experience. The key is to appreciate the small moments in addition to the big milestones – for a meaningful and balanced life.

 

6. Midlife crisis in women: Eat Pray Love

 

The book Eat Pray Love tells the story of Liz, who feels trapped in a midlife crisis. Despite outward success, she feels an inner emptiness and searches for meaning – just like Antonia. There are some parallels and some differences in their handling of the midlife crisis:

 

Questions about meaning

Liz and Antonia question their lives so far. Both feel unhappy despite achieving goals and doubt past decisions.

 

Change and self-discovery

Liz dares to make a radical break: she leaves her husband, gives up her job and travels through Italy, India and Bali. Antonia chooses a gentler path – a break in Spain to gain clarity about her values and goals.

 

Travel as a new start

For Liz, the trip stands for enjoyment, spirituality and balance. Antonia’s trip to Spain offers her distance and time to reshape her professional and personal future.

 

Different approaches, same findings

Liz is looking for a new beginning, Antonia a readjustment. Both recognize that happiness does not depend on external success, but on inner orientation and meaning of life.
Eat Pray Love shows that a crisis can be an opportunity – one that Antonia uses in her own way.

 

7. Midlife crisis in women: test

 

Answer the following 10 questions honestly to find out if you may be in a midlife crisis. Write down the points (0-2) for each question:
• 0 points: Not at all true
• 1 point: Partially true
• 2 points: Completely true
________________________________________

Ask

1. Do you often question whether your life is going in the right direction? (0: Never, 1: Sometimes, 2: Very often) 2. Do you feel empty or dissatisfied inside despite external successes or a “good life”? (0: No, 1: From time to time, 2: Yes, very often) 3. Do you have the urge to make major changes in your life (job change, change of residence, separation from partner)?
(0: Not at all, 1: I think about it occasionally, 2: Yes, this bothers me a lot) 4. Do you think you might regret important decisions in your life? (0: No, 1: A little, 2: Yes, often) 5. Do you feel stuck in your role as a partner, mother or in your job? (0: No, not at all, 1: A little, 2: Yes, absolutely) 6. Do you search more intensely for meaning, spirituality or personal fulfillment? (0: No, not really, 1: Every now and then, 2: Yes, very strong) 7. Do you suddenly have a strong desire for freedom, adventure or new experiences?
(0: No, 1: Yes, a little, 2: Yes, very strong) 8. Do you feel physically or emotionally “no longer like you used to”? (0: No, I feel good, 1: From time to time, 2: Yes, often) 9. Do you compare yourself to others more often and wonder if they are happier? (0: No, not at all, 1: Sometimes, 2: Yes, often) 10.Do you feel like you’ve become a stranger to yourself?
(0: No, not at all, 1: A little, 2: Yes, very strong)
________________________________________

 

Evaluation

 

Add up all the points and read through your results. • 0-7 points: You are relaxed.
A midlife crisis doesn’t seem to be an issue for you. You seem satisfied with your life and worry little about major changes. • 8-14 points: You think.
There are some aspects of your life that you question. This is completely normal and not necessarily a sign of a crisis. Maybe it would be helpful to take time for yourself from time to time and think about what really makes you happy. • 15-20 points: You’re in the middle of a crisis.
Your inner self signals that you are dissatisfied and need change. It might help to talk to someone—a friend, a coach, or a therapist. Think about what you’re missing in your life and plan small steps to reshape your path.

 

© Timo ten Barge 23.11.24